USC- 21 Oregon St.- 27. It really make you think doesn't it? USC should have crushed the Beavers (2). But Oregon St. took it to the best team in the country with a guy named Jacquizz. This should not happen. The only team with the acronym OSU that should stand a chance against USC is Ohio State University. And just last week, THAT OSU got demolished by USC (3).
This is just the latest in a series of stupid things that make no sense and are defined as life. None of it has ever made sense. It probably never will. Thats where religion comes from. The realization that "oh shit I have no clue whats going on I better get some answers. What? There are no answers? Well lets make some. I don't care if they aren't true, its something. What do you mean? Truth? Integrity? Fuck that, I need to figure out how to build a wheel and don't have time for all that (4)!"
But to me, the Christian model doesn't help. At all. It justifies the absord questions with even more absurd answers. Where do we come from? There was this really wild week where we, and everything else, came from. What came next? The first lady invented pissed off God by eating fruit so now we have to go through all this bullshit. Fruit? Yes, forbidden fruit. Why was it forbidden? To test her. Why did she need a test? To see if she would fail. God is all knowing so why did he have to see if she would fail? Why didn't he just know she would fail? Isn't that entrapment? Um.... pray about it (5).
A model that makes sense to me is ancient Greek mythology (7). Their answer for why things make no sense is that the Gods made us for their entertainment. THAT makes sense. That explains why Eli Manning's Giants beat Tom Brady's Patriots. THAT is entertaining. The Christian model is built on meritocracy. You are good, God rewards, bad, God punishes. What did Tom Brady do that was so awful in week 19 that he didn't do all regular season? He seemed fine. No murder accusations have come up. He didn't rape anyone cause he is sleeping with Gisel so whats the point? What DOES make sense is that that shit is hilarious. If you are a god, say... Apollo, and you get bored one football season, what would you do? Every year has been kinda the same. Good games here and there, Peyton Manning is running his offense in spite of his offensive coordinator, some minor records are almost being broken but Jerry Rice still has them all. But hey, I got it! Make a "perfect team". Build them into the greatest sporting spectacle in history. Then, when its time to take their rightful place at the podium of perfection, some sneaky ass bastards from New York who barely made the playoffs win the whole thing. ON THE BACK OF A QURTERBACK AND COACH WHO ARE KNOWN FOR FALLING APART IN THE CLUTCH!!! THATS ENTERTAINING!!! I bet all the Gods enjoyed your show Apollo. Well done.
See the logic in that? We are by most counts perfectly reasonable and intelligent beings (8). And yet we are faced with situations every day that make NO sense to us. At all. Traffic? Why? Why would you have to stop and look at the accident and make me late for band practice? Just go! An all knowing, and loving God wouldn't do this. He would part the traffic. It doesn't add up. Test us? What for? He knows the results. The only possible explanation, which I still think could be the case, is that he is a huge joker. He loves a laugh (9). And perhaps about 2 minutes after we die, we get the punchline. God, dressed as Ashton Kutcher, comes out from behind a wall with a camera crew, we laugh it off and call him a dick, and anxiously await the unveiling of this joke to our friends.
But still, the model that makes sense to me is the Greek one. Lets take these little human things and give them reason, closely followed by perfectly unreasonable situations. Its like taking two spiders and putting them in a box. I have a limited knowledge of spiders, but they seem pretty content with spinning and eating and other spiderly things and don't typically look for confrontation (10). But you put them in a super weird situation like a little box with a stranger and they flip. For some reason, they instantly feel they have to fuck the other spider up. There is no point of refrence for the spider in the box. This is not situation he is built to handle so he acts irrationally.
Same thing happens when the economy goes to shit. Suddenly for some inexplicable reason, John McCain feels rather then telling Americans how he would fix this problem as president, he decides he needs to stop talking to Americans about anything. When for no real apparent reason a girl stops calling you after you were certain things were going great, you start writing blogs comparing Eli Manning to Eve (11). And when the USC Trojans get knocked off the top of the world by a mediocre at best State college, I am pretty sure Kirk Herbstreet from College Game Day goes on 5 day coke binge (12).
USC-21 Oregon St.- 27 (13). There is no truth.
I am sorry most of you probably have no clue who or what I am talking about. Google it. Or ask questions in the comment field. Either way, you get a cute video out of this (10).
(1) NOW WITH FOOT NOTES!!!!
(2) Not a sexual innuendo. Its the Oregon State Beavers.
(3) Which begs the question, should Beenie Wells get the Heisman simply because when he doesn't play his team is pretty much shit?
(4) Actual transcript from a cave drawing in ancient North Dakota.
(5) When I was young and Mormon we had this fun thing we would do in church. When asked a question we didn't know the answer to, we would simply say pray about it. In Christianity, that answer is always right. Of course at the time I didn't realize the philosophical ramifications of such an idea; that an answer so vague is somehow right, but hey, it got me a fun sized candy (6).
(6) Unless it was fast Sunday.
(7) Mythology is religion after a few thousand years when people decide that particular religion is silly.
(8) Except Ann Coulter
(9) To a higher being, I bet Sarah Palin as Vice President is on par with Dave Chapelle.
(10)
(11) It has also been said that just after inventing humans, the Gods got bored again so they invented love. They stopped getting bored after that.
(12) With Craig Kilborn who STILL doesn't know what went wrong with Harold Minor being the next Michael Jordan.
(13) Just to add to the confusion, a kicker shanked an extra point.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The Beatles Didn't Make Great Albums
Let me preface this by saying the Beatles are on of my 2 favorite bands. Them and Radiohead.
Now...
I am of the thought that a great album should have a steady stream of thought. The whole should work together. I am apparently the only person who thinks its a good idea to put on LCD Soundsystem's song 45:33 (a nearly 46 minutes "song" with 7 seprate movements) at parties. I get the chills when I find out that Donna Summer's greatest hits album "On the Radio" was remixed to make all the songs blend together. I feel almost nothing towards the entire Pink Floyd song book but think "Dark Side of the Moon" is the best album ever made. Point is, I like cohesiveness. The Beatles, it seems, don't care for it.
Revolver is generally considered the Beatles best album, as well as the best album ever made. The album does have a very vague feel for the most part, but why on earth are "Here, There, and Everywhere" and "Yellow Submarine" on the same album? Leave alone the fact they play back to back. Sgt. Peppers revolutionized music and is considered the first concept album, but there are in fact 3 songs to that concept. There are the first two tracks and the Sgt Pepper reprise. In between however, you have 9 songs ranging from a song about the circus to a tune prominently featuring a rooster. As John Lennon has said, the concept is not a very constant one.
This is why the Beatles made maybe 1 of my 10 favorite albums of all time. Sure, in the song writing category, David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust..." doesn't even compare to Revolver. There isn't a tune on Bowie's album thats as good as "Tomorrow Never Knows". But when you put on Bowie, there is a mood straight through. You go on a trip. There is a point A and point B without a point RINGO somewhere thrown in the middle. When you listen to "The Velvet Underground and Nico" you get a glimpse of the grimy NYC/ Warhol scene and a sort of dirty junkie feeling in your stomach. After "Rubber Soul" you aren't sure if the Word is love or if you should kill a bitch for leaving you.
The bands that was tracking around behind the Beatles most closely in the 60's were the Stones and the Bob Dylan's. Song for song, neither is as good as the Beatles. The Stones lacked the lyrical imagery and imagination in the studio, Dylan lacked the all around musicianship. But BOTH were better at making albums. "Blond on Blond" sounds as strung out and exhausting as Bob Dylan actually was. "Let It Bleed" and even the sprawling "Exile On Main Street" have more of a point to them then the "White Album". the "White Album" sounds like 3 song writers and a their friend that is really good at drums playing in different worlds. "Exile" sound like Mick Jagger as breathing in Keith Richards' ear while he's playing.
The only exception to this, thus making it my favorite Beatle album, is "Abbey Road". The suite at the end is a given, but "Come Together" and "Oh, Darling" and "Something" all fit with it. Most the album fits nicely with itself. But even then, we get the mediocre "Octopuses Garden" and the downright bad "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" thrown on when their were clearly much better and fitting songs around (e.i. "All Things Must Pass","Not Guilty", "Across the Universe", anything on Let It Be...). That is the only album the Beatles made themselves that SAID something. Unfortunately, it said 'goodbye'.
Oddly enough, the most cohesive album in the bands cannon is "Love". George and Giles Martin sat down, said this show is called Love, and made an album that said Love. "Tax Man" as a song doesn't say Love. It says aw fuck there goes my money. But the "Tax Man" guitar solo melts part of your brain to your skull. So they put it in. All the elements point to a warm gushy feeling that makes you feel like you are getting a hug from the fab four when all their beards were at their fittest. And that is what separates a great album from an amazing collection of songs. The mood. The feeling you get out of it. The ups and downs. Going from one place to another without ever realizing you are moving there. So... seriously, buy Donna Summer's "On The Radio".
Now...
I am of the thought that a great album should have a steady stream of thought. The whole should work together. I am apparently the only person who thinks its a good idea to put on LCD Soundsystem's song 45:33 (a nearly 46 minutes "song" with 7 seprate movements) at parties. I get the chills when I find out that Donna Summer's greatest hits album "On the Radio" was remixed to make all the songs blend together. I feel almost nothing towards the entire Pink Floyd song book but think "Dark Side of the Moon" is the best album ever made. Point is, I like cohesiveness. The Beatles, it seems, don't care for it.
Revolver is generally considered the Beatles best album, as well as the best album ever made. The album does have a very vague feel for the most part, but why on earth are "Here, There, and Everywhere" and "Yellow Submarine" on the same album? Leave alone the fact they play back to back. Sgt. Peppers revolutionized music and is considered the first concept album, but there are in fact 3 songs to that concept. There are the first two tracks and the Sgt Pepper reprise. In between however, you have 9 songs ranging from a song about the circus to a tune prominently featuring a rooster. As John Lennon has said, the concept is not a very constant one.
This is why the Beatles made maybe 1 of my 10 favorite albums of all time. Sure, in the song writing category, David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust..." doesn't even compare to Revolver. There isn't a tune on Bowie's album thats as good as "Tomorrow Never Knows". But when you put on Bowie, there is a mood straight through. You go on a trip. There is a point A and point B without a point RINGO somewhere thrown in the middle. When you listen to "The Velvet Underground and Nico" you get a glimpse of the grimy NYC/ Warhol scene and a sort of dirty junkie feeling in your stomach. After "Rubber Soul" you aren't sure if the Word is love or if you should kill a bitch for leaving you.
The bands that was tracking around behind the Beatles most closely in the 60's were the Stones and the Bob Dylan's. Song for song, neither is as good as the Beatles. The Stones lacked the lyrical imagery and imagination in the studio, Dylan lacked the all around musicianship. But BOTH were better at making albums. "Blond on Blond" sounds as strung out and exhausting as Bob Dylan actually was. "Let It Bleed" and even the sprawling "Exile On Main Street" have more of a point to them then the "White Album". the "White Album" sounds like 3 song writers and a their friend that is really good at drums playing in different worlds. "Exile" sound like Mick Jagger as breathing in Keith Richards' ear while he's playing.
The only exception to this, thus making it my favorite Beatle album, is "Abbey Road". The suite at the end is a given, but "Come Together" and "Oh, Darling" and "Something" all fit with it. Most the album fits nicely with itself. But even then, we get the mediocre "Octopuses Garden" and the downright bad "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" thrown on when their were clearly much better and fitting songs around (e.i. "All Things Must Pass","Not Guilty", "Across the Universe", anything on Let It Be...). That is the only album the Beatles made themselves that SAID something. Unfortunately, it said 'goodbye'.
Oddly enough, the most cohesive album in the bands cannon is "Love". George and Giles Martin sat down, said this show is called Love, and made an album that said Love. "Tax Man" as a song doesn't say Love. It says aw fuck there goes my money. But the "Tax Man" guitar solo melts part of your brain to your skull. So they put it in. All the elements point to a warm gushy feeling that makes you feel like you are getting a hug from the fab four when all their beards were at their fittest. And that is what separates a great album from an amazing collection of songs. The mood. The feeling you get out of it. The ups and downs. Going from one place to another without ever realizing you are moving there. So... seriously, buy Donna Summer's "On The Radio".
Last Night (Sep. 18)
As any good night ought to, this started with me having dinner with a stunningly beautiful girl...
8:45 and I get a call asking if I want to go to Wendover. I'm in no position to gamble money so of course I say yes.
Me and Claxton get on the road at about 9:45. We have ourselves a flask of rum, a pepsi, and a couple tablet of ritalin for Clay to sniff to stay awake (I don't know). Anyhow, about 60 miles out from our destination, a cop pulls me over. Awesome. Clay is scrabeling to hide his illegal perscription drugs that are in a line on his lap, and the half empty flask of rum, of which I've taken a couple pulls off of in the last 15 minutes.
I get the sobriety test and am shaking like a sexy monkey in a gorilla pen. I take a breathelizer (and get to keep the straw I blew in to) and blow a .003. Now, I'm no expert, but Im pretty sure after a shot and a half or so, you should be higher than .003. Irish blood.
The cop send me on my way with a 10 over speeding ticket and.... car battery died while I was taking my pop quiz of stupid human tricks. So we have to run up the street and get jumper cables from a trucker, then jump the batttery using the cops car. It was a weird moment.
We get to Wendover and meet up with the rest of the crew at about midnight. I lose $40 playing black jack, so go put $25 down in roulette. Thats $25 turns into $90 so I am up $35 on the night. Time to quit? FUCK NO! Time to wear that $90 down to $5. This is where it gets fun.
I use my usual strategy but with a little more risk for my last go of the night. I place a chip on 8, then one chip on each corner surrounding 8 so basically if it hits a low number, I am pretty much covered. It hits 8. $5 just turned into $70. $5 up, I CASH IN.
Then 30 minutes later, drunk ass Claxton tells me he need a Fiver to play on hand and he can get us a room comped. This is complete bullshit. I give him $10 and no room, but he turns it into $20 and pays me $5 back then loses.
So I have one $5 chip, why not play it? an hour or so later that $5 chip has turned into $75. CASH IN.
So to recap. Ticket is hopefully around $50, I came out ahead $75, and drank about $60 worth of cocktails and got home at 7 AM. Good time.
8:45 and I get a call asking if I want to go to Wendover. I'm in no position to gamble money so of course I say yes.
Me and Claxton get on the road at about 9:45. We have ourselves a flask of rum, a pepsi, and a couple tablet of ritalin for Clay to sniff to stay awake (I don't know). Anyhow, about 60 miles out from our destination, a cop pulls me over. Awesome. Clay is scrabeling to hide his illegal perscription drugs that are in a line on his lap, and the half empty flask of rum, of which I've taken a couple pulls off of in the last 15 minutes.
I get the sobriety test and am shaking like a sexy monkey in a gorilla pen. I take a breathelizer (and get to keep the straw I blew in to) and blow a .003. Now, I'm no expert, but Im pretty sure after a shot and a half or so, you should be higher than .003. Irish blood.
The cop send me on my way with a 10 over speeding ticket and.... car battery died while I was taking my pop quiz of stupid human tricks. So we have to run up the street and get jumper cables from a trucker, then jump the batttery using the cops car. It was a weird moment.
We get to Wendover and meet up with the rest of the crew at about midnight. I lose $40 playing black jack, so go put $25 down in roulette. Thats $25 turns into $90 so I am up $35 on the night. Time to quit? FUCK NO! Time to wear that $90 down to $5. This is where it gets fun.
I use my usual strategy but with a little more risk for my last go of the night. I place a chip on 8, then one chip on each corner surrounding 8 so basically if it hits a low number, I am pretty much covered. It hits 8. $5 just turned into $70. $5 up, I CASH IN.
Then 30 minutes later, drunk ass Claxton tells me he need a Fiver to play on hand and he can get us a room comped. This is complete bullshit. I give him $10 and no room, but he turns it into $20 and pays me $5 back then loses.
So I have one $5 chip, why not play it? an hour or so later that $5 chip has turned into $75. CASH IN.
So to recap. Ticket is hopefully around $50, I came out ahead $75, and drank about $60 worth of cocktails and got home at 7 AM. Good time.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Final Fiction
So I have my band space up and running. The idea is based kind of off Gorillaz and how you don't have to be real to be a pop star anymore. Ive taken it a step further by making it so you don't need music to be a pop star anymore.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Online Fiction
For my online fiction piece, I'm inventing a British pop star named Jonny Brixton. Jonny is loosley based on Liam Gallagher of Oasis in that they are both pompous ass holes that don't actualy ahve that much talent (Liam lucked out with having a great songwriter in older brother Noel).
I have just set up the basics but will be adding pictures, a song, an interview, and hopefully friends in the next few days.
*Note: I accidentally forgot to set it up as a music acount so I am in the process of deleting it so I can rebuild it as a music space so if the link doesn't work, you know why.
I have just set up the basics but will be adding pictures, a song, an interview, and hopefully friends in the next few days.
*Note: I accidentally forgot to set it up as a music acount so I am in the process of deleting it so I can rebuild it as a music space so if the link doesn't work, you know why.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Creating something
I think I'll just make a fake band for crack heads or something. Make some synth music like they made in the 70's. Or maybe a disco band. Throw it on the myspace.
Interweb Fiction
This one is plain hillarious. Its said they would have new ones up for over a year and a half now, but the originals are great.
A buddy of mine told me about this from the tv show Heroes a while ago. i dont follow the show at all but he was really excited about how it gave information on characters form the show.
A buddy of mine told me about this from the tv show Heroes a while ago. i dont follow the show at all but he was really excited about how it gave information on characters form the show.
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